Moulin Rouge

Name: Moulin Rouge
Year: 2001
Rating: PG
Running Time (minutes): 127
Description: The year is 1899, and Christian, a young English writer, has come to Paris to follow the Bohemian revolution taking hold of the city’s drug and prostitute infested underworld. And nowhere is the thrill of the underworld more alive than at the Moulin Rouge, a night club where the rich and poor men alike come to be entertained by the dancers, but things take a wicked turn for Christian as he starts a deadly love affair with the star courtesan of the club, Satine. But her affections are also coveted by the club’s patron: the Duke. A dangerous love triangle ensues as Satine and Christian attempt to fight all odds to stay together but a force that not even love can conquer is taking its toll on Satine…
Stars: Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor and John Leguizamo
Genres: Drama, Musical, Romance

Where to start? Oh, maybe by saying I started to write this 17 minutes before this thing was over?

After the first five minutes, I already knew the ‘heroine’ would die and the ‘hero’ wouldn’t. How exciting. By that time, I also had a pretty strong idea about who the director of this film was. Why can’t that guy just use period music? Does he realise the music of 19th-century Paris isn’t… well… the loud and thumping mess on display here? That wall of sound, that impenetrable chaos, just makes me so annoyed.

And then the orchestral music started. That was the only good aspect of this entire crapfest. I didn’t know Craig Armstrong could write such romantic and captivating melodies. I always thought he starts out well but then just leeves it at that. Some of the songs really moved me. Nicole Kidman has a good voice and McGregor is certainly not a bad singer either. Come What May and One Day I’ll Fly Away were definitely highlights.

And then, the acting. Oh, my, God. This was just embarassing from beginning to end. They didn’t even try to take themselves seriously for five bloody seconds! The romantic relationship between the two lovers was forced as well and, quite frankly, didn’t convince me in the slightest. You need more than songs to be persuasive, how about, I dunno, some character/story development, to name just a few things? Oh, and did I already mention that it’s totally ridiculous to include lyrics from our time in songs that people were supposed to sing in the late 1800s?

Aww, look, Kidman is gasping for air now, drying, but still manages to blurt out a few poetic farewell lines. How very touching indeed. Okay, she’s dead now.

But anyway… It’s all about love, love is everything, love is the only thing that matters. So now, I’d LOVE to know how this load of bullshit got any awards and why this accident of a movie got good reviews while it only seems to want to mock itself. And I’d also LOVE to know if if it’s just my fault and if I totally misunderstood this genre. Help me, LOVEly people…

LOVE, Vincent

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